Don't Look Back in Anger...

This week is quite significant as the 20th March would have been my brother Dave's birthday-this year he would have turned 30 and today marks 14years since he went home to be with the Lord. That's now over a lifetime for me as I was 12 when it happened which I can't really get my head around. In that time as you can imagine-things change, memories fade and have being honest-I can't remember my brothers voice which saddens me but I can still see his face, his smile and his bright blue eyes...

But as I reflect, I find I sometimes feel guilty for looking back, spending time contemplating things and what happened because, as a Christian I should be looking forward to eternity. But when you look through the Bible there are plenty of times when people reflect, remember-look back on what happened to their fore fathers and their fathers. They did this not to beat themselves up and say 'what if', they used it as a way to glorify God to look and say 'Look what God did, isn't he amazing?' They used it as a source of faith to say-we can go from here into tomorrow knowing God is with us.

I have spent so many years of my life reflecting back to that day 14 years ago and for so many years I spent my time looking back in anger to God and my brother, grief, frustration, guilt, resentment to towards God. There have also been many things which through beautiful friends, ministry and the Holy Spirit healing I have had to work through - Praise God He has been faithful.

But when I see how I have grown in my walk with the Lord and how many other people around me and come closer to God and the people I've been able to minister to through it I can honestly echo what Joseph says;

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives...Genesis 50:20

There are some verses that we allow to become so cliche, that the true meaning of them is lost...or being honest-we use them at the wrong time like Romans 8:38

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

there was a time over the years where if one more person had said that verse to me I would have punched their lights out but I can honestly say it is true. I believe the full extent of that will not be known until eternity.

There are days when I still feel pain, when there are still questions but I take comfort in Psalm 22...God is not scared of my questions, it doesn't stop Him being God. Every child asks questions of their Dad...its natural.

So today I resolve, through the strength of the Holy Spirit not to look back in anger but in Love and rejoicing.

this day 14 years ago my life was turned upside down but I am so thankful that I can praise my Saviour for carrying me through and that through what you've done Lord it wasn't 'goodbye' but 'see you soon'...

Thoughts from Passion...

2 blogs in a week...man I am spoiling you...or it means I have FAR too much time on my hands! Anyway, in case you weren't aware I have the privilege of working for a fantastic organisation called Christians Against Poverty (CAP) and at the beginning of march we had our staff conference so I just wanted to share a couple of things I learnt, experienced and share it with you. I hope it's helpful :)

So first thing I wanted to share was a revelation about the phrase ' Be still and know that I am God'. Its in Psalm 46 and it's a verse that I've often been given alot (particularly by my mum-that's such a blessing) but in some ways I was never entirely sure what it meant. Coming to staff conference is always hard as a centre manager (or for whatever team actually) as you have to leave behind things you know need doing, people that are in desperate in situations who are desperate for attention-who after not phoning them for 1 day think they are no longer cared for .Right at the beginning at the conference, we were brought to a place of stillness and God brought that verse back to mind and I realised for me, for the first time, what it actually meant. In the stillness I can only help but know that He is God...when I am still-the world still carries on, it hasn't fallen apart without me, life is still able to exist and no part of the universe has ceased to function whereas if God ever did that-EVERYTHING would fall apart...that's why He is God. Life will not fall apart if I take time to be still. That's why I can be still and know that He is God-because I know He is sustaining it all, maintaining it all, causing it all to be in existence-NOT ME...

Be still and KNOW that He is God

It brings such a deep contentment and peace...Praise God for that.

The other thing I realised and it's abit of a question...do you realise how blessed you are? We had Andy Flannagan lead our worship (really nice guy, check out his stuff-www.andyflan.com-he didn't pay me to say that) and He lead us in a song called Heaven to Earth and it's all about social justice and seeing God's kingdom come on earth. The first line- 'We are blessed to bless and world in pieces' and that's where my question comes in...do you know how blessed you are? Because if you do not know that you are blessed...then you will not be able to bless a world in pieces-is that fair to say?make sense? I just want to say publicly that over the course of those few days I realised just how blessed I was-I work for a world-class Christian charity, I am surrounded by passionate Christians who want to see the kingdom of God come into our nation, I am privileged to able to call some of them friends (not just in a facebook sense), I can laugh with them, I can be totally myself with them, they'll include me (a little aside to say-CAP people who read this-thanks for being you and allowing me to be me, you're all amazing-and I'm honoured that God has blessed me to have you in my life), I had clothes to wear each day, I had friends from home who were waiting for me to come back because they love me, a family that love me, a house and roof over my head to return home too-food in the fridge and freezer and cupboards to eat, breath in my lungs to be alive each day and on top of all this a relationship with God the Father, Jesus Christ who died and set me free to be with Him in eternity but also life in all its fullness NOW....I am so blessed - how can I not be a blessing?

Are you blessed?

Do you have enough time...

I have to apologise again for my lack of posts...don't really have any excuses-except being busy...but I'm here now :)

So what do I want to share with you after being so busy? Sharing a few thoughts about rest...I've been considering rest as I don't seem to get alot of it and I sense that's not where God wants me to be...

So during a prayer time on Tuesday I came to God and asked Him about rest. Whenever we think of rest, I don't know about you but I always think of sitting down with a brew, watching TV and basically chilling out-not thinking about the to-do list but something I've realised...the rest that the Bible talks about is so much bigger than that. Rest is about living from a point of completion, not that you have finished the task. But God has. Whilst we live our lives seeking to honour Him and bringing Him glory, and try to speed the day of His return. BUT He has done EVERYTHING that needs to be done in order for us to be in a relationship, we can't earn any brownie points ALL is done.

True rest is about living in complete assurance and confidence that we are in the right place. Rest is to live from a place of complete security and faith. Why does this mean we can live in rest?

Everything I do, I want to Glorify God in but so often in my life I thought by doing so many things, by going to all the church meetings, being there for everyone, completing all the tasks-God would be best with me...but actually, He already is. My self worth is not dependant and value is not on peoples thoughts or my job stability - its all dependant on God and WHAT he thinks of us and THAT'S why we can live in that rest...

Just another thing on that...time-have you ever thought about time?our lives are dominated by it but when I look in the Bible, although it records seasons and times - God's is always about places and people, the task was never more important than the people involved.

Its funny how we are so quick, like the disciples to ask 'is this the time you are going to restore the Kingdom of Israel' and what does Jesus say? 'Its not for you to know the time (or date)...' He only firm indicator that Jesus actually gives for his return is nothing to do with time...its all about PEOPLE...

And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come. Matt 24:14

God never runs out of time-his timing is always perfect because its not dependant on our time scale its dependant on Gods heart for that person situation.

So maybe, its time for us to re-think our boundaries...or what we allow to regulate our activities-people or time...and when we live in Gods rest, when we are not trying to please everyone except God-its easier to break the world's boundaries.