Don't Look Back in Anger...

This week is quite significant as the 20th March would have been my brother Dave's birthday-this year he would have turned 30 and today marks 14years since he went home to be with the Lord. That's now over a lifetime for me as I was 12 when it happened which I can't really get my head around. In that time as you can imagine-things change, memories fade and have being honest-I can't remember my brothers voice which saddens me but I can still see his face, his smile and his bright blue eyes...

But as I reflect, I find I sometimes feel guilty for looking back, spending time contemplating things and what happened because, as a Christian I should be looking forward to eternity. But when you look through the Bible there are plenty of times when people reflect, remember-look back on what happened to their fore fathers and their fathers. They did this not to beat themselves up and say 'what if', they used it as a way to glorify God to look and say 'Look what God did, isn't he amazing?' They used it as a source of faith to say-we can go from here into tomorrow knowing God is with us.

I have spent so many years of my life reflecting back to that day 14 years ago and for so many years I spent my time looking back in anger to God and my brother, grief, frustration, guilt, resentment to towards God. There have also been many things which through beautiful friends, ministry and the Holy Spirit healing I have had to work through - Praise God He has been faithful.

But when I see how I have grown in my walk with the Lord and how many other people around me and come closer to God and the people I've been able to minister to through it I can honestly echo what Joseph says;

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives...Genesis 50:20

There are some verses that we allow to become so cliche, that the true meaning of them is lost...or being honest-we use them at the wrong time like Romans 8:38

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

there was a time over the years where if one more person had said that verse to me I would have punched their lights out but I can honestly say it is true. I believe the full extent of that will not be known until eternity.

There are days when I still feel pain, when there are still questions but I take comfort in Psalm 22...God is not scared of my questions, it doesn't stop Him being God. Every child asks questions of their Dad...its natural.

So today I resolve, through the strength of the Holy Spirit not to look back in anger but in Love and rejoicing.

this day 14 years ago my life was turned upside down but I am so thankful that I can praise my Saviour for carrying me through and that through what you've done Lord it wasn't 'goodbye' but 'see you soon'...

Thoughts from Passion...

2 blogs in a week...man I am spoiling you...or it means I have FAR too much time on my hands! Anyway, in case you weren't aware I have the privilege of working for a fantastic organisation called Christians Against Poverty (CAP) and at the beginning of march we had our staff conference so I just wanted to share a couple of things I learnt, experienced and share it with you. I hope it's helpful :)

So first thing I wanted to share was a revelation about the phrase ' Be still and know that I am God'. Its in Psalm 46 and it's a verse that I've often been given alot (particularly by my mum-that's such a blessing) but in some ways I was never entirely sure what it meant. Coming to staff conference is always hard as a centre manager (or for whatever team actually) as you have to leave behind things you know need doing, people that are in desperate in situations who are desperate for attention-who after not phoning them for 1 day think they are no longer cared for .Right at the beginning at the conference, we were brought to a place of stillness and God brought that verse back to mind and I realised for me, for the first time, what it actually meant. In the stillness I can only help but know that He is God...when I am still-the world still carries on, it hasn't fallen apart without me, life is still able to exist and no part of the universe has ceased to function whereas if God ever did that-EVERYTHING would fall apart...that's why He is God. Life will not fall apart if I take time to be still. That's why I can be still and know that He is God-because I know He is sustaining it all, maintaining it all, causing it all to be in existence-NOT ME...

Be still and KNOW that He is God

It brings such a deep contentment and peace...Praise God for that.

The other thing I realised and it's abit of a question...do you realise how blessed you are? We had Andy Flannagan lead our worship (really nice guy, check out his stuff-www.andyflan.com-he didn't pay me to say that) and He lead us in a song called Heaven to Earth and it's all about social justice and seeing God's kingdom come on earth. The first line- 'We are blessed to bless and world in pieces' and that's where my question comes in...do you know how blessed you are? Because if you do not know that you are blessed...then you will not be able to bless a world in pieces-is that fair to say?make sense? I just want to say publicly that over the course of those few days I realised just how blessed I was-I work for a world-class Christian charity, I am surrounded by passionate Christians who want to see the kingdom of God come into our nation, I am privileged to able to call some of them friends (not just in a facebook sense), I can laugh with them, I can be totally myself with them, they'll include me (a little aside to say-CAP people who read this-thanks for being you and allowing me to be me, you're all amazing-and I'm honoured that God has blessed me to have you in my life), I had clothes to wear each day, I had friends from home who were waiting for me to come back because they love me, a family that love me, a house and roof over my head to return home too-food in the fridge and freezer and cupboards to eat, breath in my lungs to be alive each day and on top of all this a relationship with God the Father, Jesus Christ who died and set me free to be with Him in eternity but also life in all its fullness NOW....I am so blessed - how can I not be a blessing?

Are you blessed?

Do you have enough time...

I have to apologise again for my lack of posts...don't really have any excuses-except being busy...but I'm here now :)

So what do I want to share with you after being so busy? Sharing a few thoughts about rest...I've been considering rest as I don't seem to get alot of it and I sense that's not where God wants me to be...

So during a prayer time on Tuesday I came to God and asked Him about rest. Whenever we think of rest, I don't know about you but I always think of sitting down with a brew, watching TV and basically chilling out-not thinking about the to-do list but something I've realised...the rest that the Bible talks about is so much bigger than that. Rest is about living from a point of completion, not that you have finished the task. But God has. Whilst we live our lives seeking to honour Him and bringing Him glory, and try to speed the day of His return. BUT He has done EVERYTHING that needs to be done in order for us to be in a relationship, we can't earn any brownie points ALL is done.

True rest is about living in complete assurance and confidence that we are in the right place. Rest is to live from a place of complete security and faith. Why does this mean we can live in rest?

Everything I do, I want to Glorify God in but so often in my life I thought by doing so many things, by going to all the church meetings, being there for everyone, completing all the tasks-God would be best with me...but actually, He already is. My self worth is not dependant and value is not on peoples thoughts or my job stability - its all dependant on God and WHAT he thinks of us and THAT'S why we can live in that rest...

Just another thing on that...time-have you ever thought about time?our lives are dominated by it but when I look in the Bible, although it records seasons and times - God's is always about places and people, the task was never more important than the people involved.

Its funny how we are so quick, like the disciples to ask 'is this the time you are going to restore the Kingdom of Israel' and what does Jesus say? 'Its not for you to know the time (or date)...' He only firm indicator that Jesus actually gives for his return is nothing to do with time...its all about PEOPLE...

And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come. Matt 24:14

God never runs out of time-his timing is always perfect because its not dependant on our time scale its dependant on Gods heart for that person situation.

So maybe, its time for us to re-think our boundaries...or what we allow to regulate our activities-people or time...and when we live in Gods rest, when we are not trying to please everyone except God-its easier to break the world's boundaries.

The train of His robe FILLS the temple

I apologise for the lack of blog recently-I have a lot on and generally haven't got round to writing the blog....bleh-I'm going to try and make this one pretty quick as I have 2 saved in the draft section that I did not manage to finish...

I was reminded again by God of something truly wonderful, which God lead me to share on Sunday morning so I've decided to put it out there to share with you all...In Isaiah 6v1 it says:

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple.

When we were worshipping on Sunday I was reminded of a preach that I heard Duane White speak on this verse and he shared that in the times when this verse would have been written, when a King went to war with another king-whichever King lost-his robe would be cut and would be added to the robe of the victorious King. So do you see?? When the train of his robe fills the temple-He has beaten EVERY enemy, He has been victorious over them ALL and their robes have been added to HIS...he is the victorious one.

So what does that mean for us?? It means Jesus is the ultimate victorious King and He, if He is your King is victorious over all your enemies too, every sickness, every disease, every accusing voice that you tells you that you have no right to enter the kingdom of God or that tells you something that is contradictory to Word of God, you can-in Jesus name disarm and defeat them all because He, our King and Captain already has. By the way-it fills the temple...the Word says our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit...just a thought.

HALLELUJAH!!

Where is your treasure

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also ,"

Matt 6:21, Luke 12:34

This verse came to mind today and I've not been able to stop thinking about it...When I've heard this verse spoken on or when I have thought about it-treasure has been time or talents or skills but actually when you look at the passage it is in the context of finance. The treasure that Jesus is talking about here is money...cash,wages...

I think about money alot more these days than I ever used to - partly because I now work for a debt counselling charity CAP and also because, if I'm honest-I earn less than I have preciously in my post graduation career...

Money is the language everyone in the world understands-whether you have alot of alittle, you know about money-its primarily the thing we understand as having value...which is why Jesus's statement cuts right to the heart, or at least it should for us here in the West because if we are honest its the only thing that we understand the value of. Whilst we know that time and skills are valuable I don't believe we understand their value until they have a price tag on them.

That then begs the question, what do I place value on?where does my money go?if it all goes on food does it mean that's where I am seeking to satisfy myself with that and not trusting in God for my daily bread?If I am spending my money on make-up and clothes, am I looking to spend money to form my identity in the exterior rather being content as a child of God?

Please hear me I am NOT saying we should not spend money on ourselves, on nice food to enjoy what God has given and buying nice clothes, if you can afford it, to show off the creation God has made...but Jesus says what we invest with our 'treasure' in, that's where our heart is...is it in material things, or donations or loving people, social action or the church?

Where is your heart?

Well I thought 1 month was a long time not too blog...

But 6 months of no blog....thats shocking!!I can only apologise for that...
So after 6 months you may wonder what wonderful insight I have to share?what fantastic peral of wisdom do I have up my sleeve?

Well...the way that I'm feeling at the moment, not alot really-since I last wrote I've had some rough times but also some amazing time like New wine and M+M 010 (as always :) ) but there hasn't been any major revealtion, but something that struck me the other day...
I was listening to desert song by Hillsong and refrain, which I've always enjoyed hit me again - it goes like this:

All of my life,
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing,
I have a reason to worship

As I listened I realised whilst major revealtions about God are wonderful and as He reveals more of Himself to us that causes us to worship with a new song, maturity comes when you can, whatever feelings may tell you-God is still worthy of praise, of adoration, worship...

Whether we are walking through a desert or in the middle of the mountain top or we are finding the race abit tricky...He is STILL God and so we ALWAYS have a reason to sing...to worship.

Life is full of ups and downs but Thou on Lord...

I can't believe now long it has been since I wrote an entry...I apologise...

As the title suggests, I've had a fair bit going on recently. Particularly in this past week in the job I do for the debt counselling, CAP, I have experienced the extreme joy of seeing a client have an actual miracle of being debt free, another client and her mother come to church for the first and enjoy it...to the extreme sadness of having a client die and their having to be investigated...and on top of all this, having to work extra hours and take on greater responsibility at work
Previously I will admit that I under lesser circumstances I have broken down, said to God its not fair and slowed down in my walk with him in order to try and sort out the mess on my own...which doesn't work! But Praise God as he tells us in the Word-that when we are in Christ, He changing us from one degree of glory to another (2 Cor 3:18) and I have changed, I realise now-looking back...Yes I cried in both circumstances but not once did I question, did I wonder about the exist of God or His kindness or goodness...those questions never entered my mind-I learnt that I need to surrender and to trust (realising the increase of my faith in Christ!) I did not realise the truth of this until last night when we sang a song at choir last night. Its one we have sung for a long time, but with everything that had happened over the past week-the words had a new meaning to me.The chorus goes like this...

For Thou Oh Lord, are a shield for me. The glory and the lifter of my head.
For Thou Oh Lord, are a shield for me, the glory and lifter of my head.

I understand that these are words of comfort for those in troubled times but if you think about them, they are so much more than that. These words, based on scripture, are a beautiful illustration of what God does for us.

In our circumstances He is our shield, protecting us to make sure that what we face is not too much to bear. He is our protection and guard and with Him I know I can face the battle.

Our glory-in all the good times, when good things seem to rain down-He is the cause, He is the one who made it happen, He is our Glory...He is the only way that we can have any glory, it says in the Word all good things come from Him and therefore any good from us is from Him anyway. He is our glory.

He is also the lifter of our head-in hard times, this calls us to raise our head above the circumstances and focus on Him but in the good times reminds us that a) the best is yet to come and b) that He, as I said, is the only one who can bring our good times anyway-He is the only one who can bring us through. Jesus tells us in JOHN 15, apart from him with can do NOTHING (verse 5)-we can't produce good fruit, which includes patience,kindness,goodness,gentleness...without Him. He is the source of our everything...He has to be...and that is SO liberating knowing He is in control and that ALL He does is good...