Don't Look Back in Anger...

This week is quite significant as the 20th March would have been my brother Dave's birthday-this year he would have turned 30 and today marks 14years since he went home to be with the Lord. That's now over a lifetime for me as I was 12 when it happened which I can't really get my head around. In that time as you can imagine-things change, memories fade and have being honest-I can't remember my brothers voice which saddens me but I can still see his face, his smile and his bright blue eyes...

But as I reflect, I find I sometimes feel guilty for looking back, spending time contemplating things and what happened because, as a Christian I should be looking forward to eternity. But when you look through the Bible there are plenty of times when people reflect, remember-look back on what happened to their fore fathers and their fathers. They did this not to beat themselves up and say 'what if', they used it as a way to glorify God to look and say 'Look what God did, isn't he amazing?' They used it as a source of faith to say-we can go from here into tomorrow knowing God is with us.

I have spent so many years of my life reflecting back to that day 14 years ago and for so many years I spent my time looking back in anger to God and my brother, grief, frustration, guilt, resentment to towards God. There have also been many things which through beautiful friends, ministry and the Holy Spirit healing I have had to work through - Praise God He has been faithful.

But when I see how I have grown in my walk with the Lord and how many other people around me and come closer to God and the people I've been able to minister to through it I can honestly echo what Joseph says;

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives...Genesis 50:20

There are some verses that we allow to become so cliche, that the true meaning of them is lost...or being honest-we use them at the wrong time like Romans 8:38

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

there was a time over the years where if one more person had said that verse to me I would have punched their lights out but I can honestly say it is true. I believe the full extent of that will not be known until eternity.

There are days when I still feel pain, when there are still questions but I take comfort in Psalm 22...God is not scared of my questions, it doesn't stop Him being God. Every child asks questions of their Dad...its natural.

So today I resolve, through the strength of the Holy Spirit not to look back in anger but in Love and rejoicing.

this day 14 years ago my life was turned upside down but I am so thankful that I can praise my Saviour for carrying me through and that through what you've done Lord it wasn't 'goodbye' but 'see you soon'...