Would the real me, Hannah Pamplin, please stand up...

In our church we've stepped out in a new venture called Church in The Home. The idea is to be light within the local community, to create community within the community and to reach out locally.Its a fantastic adventure which we are starting out on...its still very early days. I knew right from the beginning that this where God wanted me to be but what I didn't anticipate that God was going to use it to confront so many of my insecurities and things, which in all honesty I thought I had addressed a number of years ago. It meant leaving the comfort of all I knew to be 'church', the routine which I was now in and mindset that I had about doing 'church', all the friends and family that I was used to seeing week after week...Don't get me wrong, I was looking forward to the adventure but it was terrifying...

Actually starting out didn't make it easier because I was addressing the issues head on!!As I started to think about it  and what I am still working through...the question is who am I? I realised that insecurity comes from lack of security (I'm not always the smartest)...but when we know who we are that's where we find security and we are told in the Bible that we are HIDDEN with Christ in God so we need to go to Christ to find who we are. We are also its in Christ that we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28) 

When you don't know who you are it means you can moved about as Ephesians puts it 'tossed and turned by every new wave of teaching' 

When you can be who you truly are it means that whilst you can adapt to the circumstance you are in you don't lose yourself...as Kipling once said, "If you can keep your head when all around are losing theirs..." This is a really beautiful thing. But there is something I've realised-being who you are...its also painful, and hard.
You are not always popular, not everyone likes you-it so easy to wear a mask because with a mask you can change it to be whoever the person you are with wants you to be.I like being liked...real like it I mean. I have spent my whole life wearing masks-even when I had the revelation that I did-I still wore them.There were times when I tried to take it down but I would end up putting on a different one. I shudder now when I think how I've acted around people in order to be liked-the mask I've worn in order to act how I think others think I should. I want to take this opportunity to apologise to you all for that...for when I worn a mask in front of you-for when I have held  back from being all Christ has called me to be for you. God has a purpose for everything, including our friendships and we need to be all Christ has called us to be in those and when we wear a mask we are not.
I've seen that, beginning to live intentionally in a community, you can't afford to be fake-the masks become too hard to wear and there is no point, yes its painful and really scary but it is SO worth it, that's how God has called us to be and its loving each other when we are not wearing the masks and the world will know we are Christ's disciples (John 13:35).
For true community to be formed we have to be authentic...so I have a responsibility that every day I allow the real me to stand up, to be seen every day...letting go of my right to be popular and liked but being real me Christ has always intended me to be...at every stage of this tranformation journey because it is when the mask is removed that Christ will Shine from me, from the inside out. So my prayer has become, each morning Lord remove the mask and would the real Hannah Pamplin please stand up today.

Dear Father God...

This week I had a bit of a revelation about prayer...
I'm currently reading the book of Daniel due to various hints and God sort of going through everything 'READ THIS BOOK'...you can't ignore something like that. So I've been reading it and I came to Daniel 9. Daniel is praying for the city, for the people of Jerusalem. God has given Daniel a vision which is not favourable to the people so Daniel seeks the Lord. As I read the passage there are a number times that Daniel says 'because of your righteousness do XYZ....' like in verse 16:

 "O Lord, according to all Your righteousness, I pray, let Your anger and Your fury be turned away from Your city Jerusalem

and it struck me, not only here but in various points in scripture where people say to God, "because you are this  make this happen'...Personally I always thought that was a little arrogant (but perhaps that is more to do with my walk with God than anything else) and I have also heard it said that we do that to remind God about who He is. That never sat right with me...God sitting in heaven and then someone praying, 'Lord you are merciful there have mercy...' then a lightblub appearing above God's head *ding* and him saying, 'Oh yeah-I completely forgot I was like that, thanks for reminding me-I'm able to sustain the universe in the palm of my hand but I can't actually remember who I am...thanks '...doesn't quite sound right does it??
So I started thinking then, 'why do it?' Then God showed me, its not for His benefit, its for ours...
As we pray, we remind ourselves about who God is and therefore our faith is increased because we don't have to think 'is this in Your will Lord?', if we pray, 'Lord you are our provider' or 'It says in Your word that You will never leave the righteous forsaken or their children begging for bread...' then we KNOW that it IS His will because he has said so in His word. Now this is not to say that He will answer the way we expect Him to or even the way we want Him to at times but we can know that this is something he cares about and as part of His character.
There's a couple of implications - do we know God well enough to pray like this. This Christian life is a relationship not a religion. In order to pray in a way that is reminding myself about who God is I need to know Him well enough in order to remind myself...I can't say to God 'you are X,Y,Z' if I don't know what they are. It means we must spend time with Him, quality time with Him, communicating with Him. Its like in any relationship, friendship etc unless you spend time with the other person, talking with them, sharing with them, listening to them you won't get to know them.
We NEED to spend time in the Bible - God has told us who is through this word-look at Jesus...He IS the Word. At new year my brother spoke at his church and he challenged us to read the gospels again with fresh eyes-get to know Jesus again, as you do that you will know what God is like.Then you may also discover you are the answer to some of your own prayers...but that's another blog for another time...